It's been awhile

The last year has been so rough. 

I struggled with anxiety and depression last year after the loss of what should have been our November baby. 

I seemed out help after a few months of failing to "get over it".

Best decision I ever made. My health team has been so understanding. 

I started seeing a counsellor in the fall. It has been fantastic. She has helped me bring back my confidence. 

I am still not "old K", but I am not disliking this new version of me.

This January we had another ectopic pregnancy. 

It was devastating. But I am still here. Still kicking.

Everything has made me reevaluate me. 

Who I am.

 What I want out of life.

If I could have a million children I would. I would (and will) keep trying until we feel our family is complete.

I know it isn't complete now. With two miscarriages, one rainbow baby, and another two ectopic pregnancies, my heart is full. But as has been the case previously my heart just grows and makes room for more love.

If I could I would go back to school tomorrow. I would become a social worker. I would like to work with women like me. Like to be there and hold their hands. Let them know they are not alone.

Dreams, my friends. Dreams.