Today I am sad

I don't know why either. Well I kind of do. You know how sometimes, no matter what you try to do, there is that person who still doesn't get you. Doesn't like you? See's alterior motives in every breath you take?
I have one of those in my life. I have tried and tried with this woman and all I get for it is heartache and pain. She isn't a person that I can just kick out of my life either. Which makes it so much more difficult. She keeps blaming me (not to my face either), for things that I have absolutely nothing to do with. I don't think she realises that people all have their own opinions and that nobody can or should be able to make someone else believe something unwillingly. Hard to follow right? I am sorry about that.
I just don't know what else to do. Seriously. I have tried to be friendly with her, I have tried to ignore her comments. I have tried backing away from anything to do with her (which is simply impossible).
I don't like being disliked. I also don't like when people assume things about me or don't try to understand me.
I am generally not a hater. The only things I truly hate in this world are mice, heights (and both of those come down to fear more than anything else) and when coconut is snuck into butter tarts (seriously people, who puts coconut in butter tarts!?!? You can't always tell its there until, Surprise! That ooey gooey mouthful of that delectable butter tart you have been eyeing all lunch break is in your mouth and you are gagging because COCONUT DOESN'T BELONG IN BUTTER TARTS!), but I digress.
Generally, if someone does something to hurt me or I just can't deal with someone's drama anymore, I cut them off entirely. There is no point in stressing over someone elses problems if they don't want to deal with it themselves. **These really only account for a few select people in my life. There are a lot of people who I love and wish we hadn't grown apart, but we did and trust me folks, there is really good odds you are not one of THOSE people. Call me!**
So that is why this makes me so sad. I just can't win in this situation. I can't walk away from her. I will never in a million kajillion years change her mind about me.
Here is an example of what is on my mind with her. She has accused me of not being a fan of an annual party she throws for J, but not for J, but really it is for J. I have no problem with this at all, except J doesn't like it. He isn't one for being the centre of attention. So this year, somehow, ahem, on the not birthday cake for J, it said on it, and I quote this directly.
 "Congrats J and K."
::crickets chirping::
Everyone is waiting on some kind of announcement. Some kind of happy, yeah the grass is green the sky is blue and everything is right in the world kind of announcement.
But folks, there is no announcement. She knows there is no announcement. She knows that 2 months previous almost to the day we had our big loss.  SHE KNOWS THIS. Yet she puts us on the spot. Finally someone asks what the congrats is for, and she says, "oh its for their birthdays." Hmmmm my birthday was two months down the line. AND everyone brought presents for J. None for me, not that I would expect them to. Can we say awkward?!
Anyways, later someone pulls me aside and asks if we are expecting a baby. They thought they must have missed something there. I say no, there is no baby. I don't know why my name was on the cake.
So I may not have been in a party mood for the party this summer. I was suffering from a pretty bad case of depression still at this point and really there was nothing good to look forward to. So I put on a good show (or so I thought) but I really didn't enjoy myself overly.

Now she is accusing me of making J not like the parties. Because J is so weak willed and follows everyone elses lead. HA!
So I just feel lost. There is nothing I can do. Years ago, when I first started seeing J, I tried to be myself around these people. They didn't like me. So now I just keep to myself and try and stay out of the way. They still don't like me. It hurts my head and my heart to think about it.

There is also the fact that I got stopped by an almost complete stranger the other day in the local hardware store. You know the kind of store where they pay attention to everything you look at, touch, buy and who you talk to, how long you talked to them and what was said, even in a hushed whisper? That's where I was. Minding my own, when this lady I have met maybe twice, but is family of some friends here. Comes up to me and asks,  "You are K aren't you? I am M, L's sister inlaw."
" Oh right, hi, " and continue with my browsing.
She looks me up and down, and adds " I heard you guys are expecting a baby!" Outloud in the middle of gossip central.
"No we lost it in May." I say, trying to keep my voice low and calm so as to not attract the attention of everyone in the store.
"Oh I am sorry, I guess I didn't hear all the news. I am sorry for your loss, but you're still young yet."
" Ya, okay, I gotta go now, nice seeing you. Bye now." and I wander away.

I don't know why anyone would have told her that. I really don't. The whole thing just gave me a case of the sads. I haven't been able to kick it since.

So ya, today I am sad. Not much to do about it. I have a few things to look forward to. I am heading down to see my family this weekend and I am looking forward to that. J and Remy got home last night safe and sound, and I have never been happier to see them. And yet I am sad. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.