I am the Face

Today is Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Awareness day. As many as 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a loss. Why is this subject still so taboo when it is so common?! Why must miscarriage and pregnancy loss be kept a secret?!? Hug your fellow ladies today, chances are they or a loved one have been affected by miscarriage or loss in some way or another. They shouldn't have to bear their losses alone.








I am the one in four women who will experience pregnancy/infant loss. Please check out www.iamtheface.org to learn more about this incredibly common, yet incredibly taboo issue.


With the day that would have been my due date fastly approaching I can honestly say that my miscarriage has been heavy on my mind lately. I don't think it ever went out of my mind. It's there when I wake up in the morning. It's there when I am working. It's there when I go to bed at night. It is in the books I read, the tv shows I watch and in my walks with Remy.

I remember my first appointment with the nurse after I found out I was pregnant. She told me I was young and healthy and didn't have anything to worry about, but she had to mention the chances legally. I remember she played down miscarriage. When I went back the next time and wasn't feeling good. I hadn't slept in a couple of days because of a sinus infection. She didn't want to help me. She was running late and was rushed. I asked if it would be possible to try and hear for a heart beat. She told me no. I didn't have anything to worry about. My baby was fine. Little did she or I know that that week my baby stopped developing. Unfortunately I had a missed miscarriage. I wouldn't find out for another month. I was 13 weeks 5 days pregnant when I found out my baby hadn't survived.

I had put off going to see the doctor for a couple of days. There was some spotting. It was nothing. Finally I realised I wouldn't stop worrying until I went to the Emerg dept. Later that day I found out the truth. You know the worse part of that whole day. THE WORST besides the actual loss of my babe. Was the way I was treated in Emerg. I work for the hospital I was visiting Emerg in. I was actually working that day. The doctor told me the different things that may have caused the spotting. Only one of the four things mentioned was miscarriage. After the Ultrasound, when I was back in with the doctor to get the results. He said, "well we talked about a bunch of different causes, and it was one of them. Miscarriage. You have three options a) Chemically induce the miscarriage b) D & C, which if that is what you want, I can probably get you booked in tomorrow, but you really need to tell me now, or C) wait it out and let it happen naturally.
I was shocked. I was watching all of this happen from outside my body. I had to ask him for a tissue after a few minutes of crying because he never bothered to give me one. He couldn't find any, so he gave me a chunk of surgical gauze to wipe my tears that wouldn't stop flowing. I asked him if he was sure. Was there any chance he was wrong. He said no.
I told him I needed to think and talk to my husband. He said okay and walked away. He let me leave that Emerg dept on my own. He knew that I lived 40 mins away. He knew I was there all on my own. He let me walk away. The nurses let me walk away. They never asked if there was someone I needed called. They never even offered me a proper tissue.

It was only lucky for me that I did work at the hospital and that my neighbour and closest friend here also works there. She was in her office and not in her department. I walked straight out of emerg through the security doors to the business office down the hall and around the corner and straight into her office. I had told her I was going to emerg. She wasn't expecting me to show up and break down in her office. She comforted me. She got both my bosses and they sent me home. They told me I couldn't drive in the state I was in. She took me home.  

This is the flip side of the coin. Emerg see's so many miscarriages that they don't see beyond just that. They don't look after their patient. They just let them walk away. They never gave me any printed out info or anything. I had to do that for myself.

That's my story.

Thoughts and prayers for all my friends and family who have been through this and for all the strangers today. This is a life changer. Big time.


And to end off, a quote by Ronald Reagan when he proclaimed today, October 15th as Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Awareness day.

”A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.” ~Ronald Reagan