Tuesday, 14 May 2013

That moment


You know how sometimes a song will speak to you in a way that you weren’t expecting. It reminds you of a person, a time or a place and then you forever think of that person,time or place when you hear that song later? I had a new experience like that last week.

I had an OB appointment and was driving home. The OB noticed my new stretch marks that had shown up a couple of days before. Nothing major, and they don’t bother me, it is all for love after all. She commented saying, “Your mom must have had stretch marks as well, since it is a genetic thing. You can buy all the creams and oils in the world, but they won’t prevent stretch marks if you are genetically inclined to them.”

I commented that my mom has a very, very different body than mine. She never had a stretch mark, even after three kids. Although I am sure if my paternal grandmother was still alive, I could ask her, and she would tell me all about her stretch marks, as my body type is more similar to her side of the family than my mothers.

It wasn’t a big deal at all. I took it all in with a laugh. However on the way home I was dwelling just a bit on the fact that Grandma isn’t here anymore. It’s been a long five years without her and I miss her. I wish she had been here to see me engaged and married. To see me pregnant and help me with my loss last year. To see me pregnant again this year and help me celebrate the life within me. I know she would have spoiled this first great-grandchild of hers like she spoiled me, the first grandchild she had and all the rest of her grandchildren.

While I was having this pity party for one, I had my IPod on shuffle instead of listening to an audiobook like I normally do when I am driving. I just wasn’t in the mood to pay attention and felt like some music.  That’s when I noticed the song playing. I have heard this song a million times before. It’s an oldie, but thanks to Glee, a second life has been gifted to it. It was the glee version that I was listening to.

May the good lord be with you down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud, dignified, and true
And do unto others as you'd have done to you

Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven with a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young

Forever Young
Forever Young

And when you finally fly away, I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you
Win or lose
Forever Young, Forever young, forever young

Forever Young
Forever Young
Forever Young
Forever Young

Forever Young.

It felt like my Grandmother was riding shotgun with me. Giving me these words as her own. Letting me know that despite her lack of physical body that she is with me. Always. That she loves me and is proud of me. That I will always be her little girl.

It isn’t the first time I have felt her with me. I hope to whatever deity is out there that it isn’t the last. However Forever Young will never be the same to me. It will go right up there Nana’s Song by Alicia Keyes as songs that make me think of Grandma. That makes me smile and cry at the same time.

Thank you Grandma, I love you too.

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