The day

Today is the day I should have been giving birth to my first child.
Today is the day that my life was going to change forever.
Today is the day that I will forever mourn what could have been.

I can't believe how quickly this day has come. It seems like it was just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant, meanwhile that was 8 months ago.
Even with the few bits of  good news I have gotten recently, I am still sad.
Is there anyway to just fast forward through today?

I am going to decorate my house for christmas today. I am going to listen to Christmas music and my audiobook (at the same time). I may dance a little.  I will take the dog for her walk.

I know life goes on. I know there was nothing that I could have done differently to have a different outcome. It still hurts. I will go on.

I will keep my fingers crossed and pray to every deity that will listen to me, for this to never happen to me or anyone else I love again.

This song sticks in my mind right now. It's not completely appropriate for what I went through. Yet there it is.

I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan

I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Want to feel your warmth upon me
I want to be the one

[Chorus]
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much to deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

[Chorus]

I'm so afraid to love you
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life

[Chorus: x2]